Article Dan speed blogs

More Twitter skewering: having died on Twitter, Jeff Goldblum used the old medium of television to eulogise his own life:

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Ye gods. This... This...

Well, this simply looks to be the most violent game ever made: MADWORLD



Madworld. Sweet shitting baby Jesus, but Sega have plunged their RSI-ridden mitts deep into one evil bastard bag of tricks and produced an ultra-violent, graphic horror-fest like no other. And, yes, yes, of course - the parent in me is HORRIFIED that this kind of thing is out there - it's another nail in the coffin of innocence; further signal of the end of civilisation as we know it; the four Horsemen of the Apocalypse have swapped their reins for Wii nunchucks and we will all be playing Wii Tennis in HELL.

But there's a foul, comics-reading, Romero-loving, moloko-drinking part of me that sees this as the final coin in the slot that gets me off the fence and onto the sofa, via the purchase of a Wii. I mean who doesn't want to ram a signpost through a guy's head then fling him onto a wall of spikes? Huh? Huh? Who?



Enough! Stop!

You had me at Argh! Aieeee! Splurrghrrree! Vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!

Keep th' faith,

Article Dan

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Remember 8 Mile? You do? Then you need to drink some more.

This said, those rap battles had some style, and they are tame compared to the metered abuse metted out by these cats. Of course these Freestyle rap battles can get a little dense in their lexicon and terminology, fortunately this has been translated by the local college debate team (Ben and Ryan). Enjoy:



All of which as you can see ends in quite the fracas. What was it? What was the straw that broke the camel's back for this guy? Amidst a hurricane of hurled insult and dissin' discussion of heritage - what was the tipping point? Fortunately we have the real footage to clarify:



No, not the mention of his mother being a whore, nor the repeated threats of having a cap popped into his and each of his homies asses; asses that, if the rap reports are to be believed, are used to more than just bullets; none of this raised an eyebrow. No. It was just that the dude stood too close to him.

I imagine they'll be prime candidates for Get The Tube Talking Day...

Keep th' faith,

Article Dan

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Alright, so someone has decided that we, the people of London, don't talk to each other enough. That's right: we're a bunch of miserable, insular sods, so dread-afeared of human contact that we'd rather read the crappy free pamphlets that pass as newspapers than actually meet another individual and interact on some human level. And that's wrong!

Welcome to David L Sommer's campaign to Get The Tube Talking.



You're not from London are you, David?

What in the name of militant shit and all its soldiers was he thinking when he decided to put this together? I mean, not satisfied with just a YouTube video as a cry for help, but shit alive, a whole website? A campaign? I'll bet he's even sent out press releases. Oh, David, David, David.

Am I being unfair? Maybe. But, David, dude, when the ONLY comment in response to your video opus is from TURNTOCHRIST then you have to start questioning just how far you've strayed from the herd... Read TURNTOCHRIST's profile, my friends. I think we can all agree that there's no one - but no one - you'd rather have randomly strike up a conversation with you while pressed into undue proximity on the Northern Line. If that shit's wrong I don't ever want to be right.

But, wait - I'm having an epiphany! David's mission may not be so mental afterall. In fact, dear friends, having thought it over, I realise now that David L Sommers has but shed a searchlight upon the tip of the ice-breaking iceberg! There is more - so much more that we could do on the 17th December 2008 to free up the people of London. Witness the manifesto:



I hope that everyone out there will join me, David L Sommers and the muscular missionary TURNTOCHRIST in celebrating Touch Up The Tube Day 2008! (I plan to have T-shirts made bearing a Tube symbol and the words 'Mind The Grope'. Pre-order through Amazon now.)

Keep th' faith and cop a feel!

Article Dan

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Thank god Heroin's still ok. I need a hit after all this soul-searching.

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